MOMENTS

3 of my 5 little bugs were watching T.V. together this morning. Lucas and Liv were all snuggled up with their blankets and throw pillows from the couch, with Nathan comfortably sitting in his Bumbo chair.

It's little moments like this that help me forget about all the fighting over toys, name calling, and whining, and help remind me that they really do love each other. And that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST

I have been thinking a lot lately about life. More specifically about how to live it to the fullest so that I don't look back some day and have regrets. So that I don't look back later in life and say I wish I would have done that. Or I can't believe I missed out on that. I want to look back on my life and be able to say I am happy, and feel a sense of fulfillment as to how it all went down.

After thinking about how I have been living my life since we have had our kids, over the past 7 years, and even just the summer thus far, I would have to say I am on my way to doing just that.

Some snipets of our life from this summer that I believe are getting me there:

On extra hot days we sit outside in our little pool, splash around, run through the sprinkler here and there and take rests in between by laying on our towels soaking up the hot summer sun. We most often make our way to the outdoor refrigerator and dig in to the extra large freezies - which are one of the most perfect summertime treats. And on Wednesdays we have the ultimate summer treat as the ice cream man makes his way through our neighborhood. The kids run like mad jumping up and down when they hear the music coming from his truck. I swear I don't know how they hear him from that far away as it always takes a few minutes for him to make his way in to our cul-de-sac. They must have some super human ice cream man music hearing abilities. Whatever the case, they can barely contain themselves and it is something I love to see.

We pack lunches then take walks to the park where we swing on the swings, and slide down the slides until we work up an appetite to eat that lunch we packed. We head back home with the kids racing ahead on their bikes or scooters and collapse on the couches in the cool air conditioning to watch some Sponge Bob or I Carly.

On rainy days we most often find ourselves cozied up on the couches for a movie marathon. Equipped with all of the essentials - a nice big bowl of popcorn, some chocolates and big glasses of juice. After movie time we sometimes pull out Sorry and play a round or two. Although that usually ends in someone crying and the game being put away as no one likes to be sent back to home while getting a big old "Soooooorrrryyyy!" yelled in their ear. Sometimes these rainy days turn in to crazy ones where the kids are bouncing off the walls, running in circles around the island in the kitchen, trashing the playroom and fighting here and there in between all the chaos. All part of rainy day fun!

We sometimes say the heck with dinner, load up in the car and make our way to Nelson's, [hands down the best ice cream place in Stillwater] and order us up some giant ice cream cones instead. We have pizza party night's where we fill our bellies with greasy yummy goodness and wash it all down with some sprite.

We have fun weekends away camping where we grill out, swim in the pools, fish by the ponds, play with friends, and stay up way too late snuggling up around the campfire roasting marshmallows.

We have fun days out on the boat where we pack up coolers full of stuff to grill, and yummy snacks and treats to eat. The kids play in the sand making sand castles and burying each others feet, they swim with Daddy and have races out the end of the boat and back over and over again. We play and play and play until everyone is exhausted and ready to go back home. Sometimes we even stay and sleep on the boat which the kids always think is such fun. After the kids are down for the night the adults usually gather on the beach for some cocktails around the campfire. Boating weekends - where some of our best memories have been made....

Above and beyond all of this fun we have with the kids, Daddy and I also are lucky enough to get time away without our little monkeys in tow. Time to spend together, alone, without the "Mommy, I need help!!" "Daddy, so and so hit me!!" "I'm thirsty, I have to go to the bathroom, my tummy hurts...." Time to sleep in until whenever and spend our days how ever we choose to. Time to actually talk to each other uninterrupted, to reconnect.

We don't follow some sort of strict regimen in the Shelton house. We just live day to day and I think that is best way to do it. Some days we eat chicken, corn, and salads for dinner. Other days we go the ice cream route. Some days we ride bikes and run around outside with neighbor friends burning off all kinds of pent up energy. Other days we stay inside laying on couches eating goldfish and drinking juice. Some days we practice reading, and work on our school activity books. Other days we do nothing but play video games and watch T.V.

We don't do too much of any one thing. We have a perfect balance of the good and the bad, the healthy and the unhealthy in our lives.

And I like it that way.

I believe that staying on this path as both the kids and the Mr. and I grow, is going to take all of us to that special place. The place where we can look back with happiness knowing we lived our lives to the fullest and had a whole heck of a lot of fun doing so.

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways chocolate in one hand martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'Woo-hoo, what a ride!'"

FEELING THE LOVE

Mothers Day came early for me this year in the form of some gifts that I am nothing short of in love with.

First, my Anthony came home yesterday with this plant he has been growing at preschool for me. He could not help to point out the sucker that was strategically placed in the soil as well - that I was not to eat, because that part of the gift was his. As you can see, he needs some work on understanding that all parts of a gift that you so generously give to another are actually for that person.

He then presented me with a piece of paper rolled up nice and pretty with a red bow holding it together. Just as he was giving it to me he took it back and decided he wanted to open it for me to show me what it was.

Of course, I loved it. Both the plant and the art work - even though I was not allowed to open my gift, or keep the sucker. I love that little boy.

Then, yesterday the Mr. asked me to lunch. On the way he said he wanted to stop at Lowe's and check out their refrigerators. [If you read this blog at all, you will know the background on the whole refrigerator thing. If not, I will sum it up quite quickly. I want one, in the worst sort of way.]

So, we made our way into Lowe's - I was not allowing myself to get too excited as we had been in this situation many times before. We go into a store, look, ask questions, compare prices, think about it, and end up leaving empty handed. But this time was different. He actually pulled the trigger, and made the purchase. After telling the sales guy, "What the heck, we will take it." He looked at me and said "Happy Mother's Day!"

I was getting my refrigerator, and not just any refrigerator either. It was a beautiful Samsung french door stainless steel through the door icemaker refrigerator. The exact one I have been eyeing up for months.As if things could get even better, it is going to be delivered on Sunday; Mother's Day.

To top it all off, I know Mother's Day morning I will be greeted by my 4 little monkeys in bed, with a yummy breakfast that they made just for me. Along with their home made Mommy's Day cards. Looks like the best is yet to come.

LOVELY DAY

This afternoon I received a phone call from Miss Janelle over at St. Croix Prep. She called to tell me some very good news. Some oh- my- God- you- are- the -best woman- in -the -world- can- I- drive -over- there-right-now- and-kiss-you kind of news. Yes, that is what I said to her when she told me that they have a spot in one of the first grade classes for this sweet little boy,

my Lucas Alexander next year.

Ever since Ava was miraculously accepted a few months ago, I have hoped, prayed, and obsessed over him getting in as well. This is honestly the best news I could have received.

What a truly lovely day.

IF I AM NOT....

If I am not throwing a load of laundry in the dryer, I am probably loading the dishwasher. If I am not putting away 2 laundry baskets full of clean clothes, I am probably loading the hamper full of dirty ones I find littered all over the bedroom floors. If I am not scrubbing the toilet and its surrounding area from the boys lack of aim, I am probably cleaning out the sink of dried up toothpaste. If I am not cleaning up after lunch, I am probably making dinner. If I am not on my hands and knees washing the kitchen floor, I am probably vacuuming the goldfish cracker ridden carpets. If I am not scrubbing out the bathtub full of dirt and grime courtesy of the kids dirty bodies from the night before, I am probably sweeping the remains of snack time off of the wood floors. If I am not comforting someone who just fell outside while riding their bike, I am probably breaking up a fight. If I am not helping Anthony pass an all important level on his PSP, I am probably helping Ava finish her homework. If I am not reading books with Lucas to help him perfect his reading skills, I am probably snuggled up with Livi and one of her touch and feel animals books. If I am not dropping Lucas off at Karate, I am probably picking Ava up from dance class. If I am not changing a dirty diaper, I am probably wiping a runny nose . If I am not laying in bed with Anthony at the end of a long day, talking about our adventures and saying prayers, I am probably rocking Miss Liv to sleep while singing her favorite song. If I am not, if I am not, if I am not....

My life as a Mom is full of "If I am nots." Some are most definitely better than others, but I know each and every one of them is par for the course; just a part of being a Mom. And I find comfort in that.

SHELTON FOOD DRIVE

Since the kids are getting older, I decided it would be a good idea to start teaching them how to give back to the community. I have been trying to come up with ideas as to how to go about this for a while now and have really come up with nothing. That is until last week, when a friend from Mom's Club sent an email out to our club with a grand idea. An idea that would be hugely successful in teaching the kids how to give back to the community. An idea that would be fun and engaging for both them and myself - I was thrilled to say the least.

The idea? Have the kids do a food drive for Valley Outreach, our local food shelf.

Once I had the idea, I put myself to work and made my way over to Kowalski's to ask the manager if he would be ever so nice as to donate 75 of his bags, which he was. I then put together a flyer that could be attached to the bags in order to explain what the kids were asking our neighbors for, which I did.

Then we put on our walking shoes, got out there and delivered all of the bags to our lovely neighbors doorsteps. The kids had a wonderful time running up to each doorstep delivering their bags they help put together. At times someone would come to the door and they would proudly explain that they were having a food drive to help other kids and families. Surprisingly as we finished up, they did not seem to be tired out from all of the excitement and running around.

All this, in the hopes that come Sunday evening we would find a plethera of bags throughout the neighborhood full of food.

Sunday afternoon came, and that is exactly what we found.

Daddy took the car seats out of the car, and put down the back seats for us to fill the back with all of the donations. The kids hopped into the car excited as ever to be able to ride around the neighborhood without being strapped into their car seats, and off we went. I was amazed by the generosity of all of our wonderful neighbors - as pretty much every other house we passed had a bag waiting on the doorstep for us to collect.

The kids really enjoyed running up to each house in an attempt to drag the bags back to the car. Sometimes they were successful, but most often I had to run up there and grab the bags for them as they were so full! Another great testament to how generous our neighbors were.

I was sure that by the time we were finished collecting all the bags the kids would be exhausted and ready to rest for the evening, but I was wrong. We returned back to our house with a car packed full of food - once we parked the kids were out of the car and anxious to unload it all into the garage, and with help from both Mom and Dad, they were successful in doing so.

After all their hard work, I decided a special treat was in order. I told the kids that they could choose whatever they wanted to eat for dinner and I would let them have it.

What did they request? Happy Meals from McDonalds!

And that is what they got.


As we sat at the table eating our dinner, we talked about what a great thing they had done. Both Dad and I explained to them how wonderful it was for them to work so hard to help out other families. We explained how all of this food was going to go to other kids, Moms and Dads that do not have enough money to buy food, soap, diapers and other things. We explained how much these families will appreciate all this food that they collected for them. And we explained how it was a great way for us to show that we are thankful for what we have, and compassionate toward those who are less fortunate. The kids did not really say much in return, but I could tell from the smiles on their faces and the way the looked at eachother how very proud they were of themselves.

I know sometimes (well, a lot of times) I am feeling frustrated, like I just want to "pull my hair out." Always feeling like the kids are yelling at eachother, fighting, saying naughty things, and just plain old not getting along. Sometimes I feel as if I am failing somehow, not being a good enough parent, not discipling them the right way, and just not getting through to them.

But then there are times like tonight, where all that is forgotten, and I understand that I have to be doing something right. That I have 4 wonderful, giving, loving, compassionate kids who have the ability to help others out who are in need and have a great time doing it.

This makes me so very proud to be their Mom, what great kids I have.

GIVING THANKS

This weekend there was an accident. An accident that could have ended in tragedy, but didn't. An accident that very well could have taken the little life on my Anthony Thomas.

I hesitate to write about this because it so so very fresh in my mind, and so very hard to even think about let alone write about. But I decided that I must, as it is something I need to be able to look back at in order to remind myself how very lucky we are....

We spent our Labor Day weekend on the Sea Ray on Mile Island, the kids spent their days playing in the sand with friends and swinging on the rope swings. The Mr. and I spent our time hanging out on the beach with friends grilling, soaking up the sun and relaxing. Nothing better in my opinion.

Each morning, we had a routine. Wake up, take the pontoon back to the Marina, hop in the car, stop for breakfast, head home to give Liv her morning nap, get cleaned up, and finally head back out to the boat, where we would make our way back to the island for more fun in the sun. This worked out well as it gave us a little break from the festivies to recharge out batteries- some much needed "down time" for all.

Yesterday we were on our way back down to the island on the pontoon, Ava, Lucas and Anthony were as always, kneeling at the front of the boat, holding onto the rail, giggling away as the wind whipped through their hair. I smiled at this site, recalling how my brother, sister and I did that very same thing when we were young. I smiled, knowing that I am able to provide some of these very same memories for my children. Nothing grandious, or off the charts, just simple memories. One's they will remember for a lifetime.

As we were approaching the island, I looked off to the left to see all of our friends waving from the beach. Lucas and Ava had by that time sat down, but Anthony was still at the front of the boat, standing and enjoying the wind and the water. Suddenly, Brian slowed the boat down to turn toward the beach and Anthony flipped over the top of the railing, into the water, and underneath the pontoon. I shouted: "Anthony!!!!!" at the top of my lungs.

Brian frantically put the boat in neutral, and jumped into the river.

A million thoughts went racing through my mind. My baby, my Anthony Thomas, he is gone. Oh my God, my baby is gone. It is all my fault, I am his Momma, I am supposed to protect him. My baby is gone. I will never be able to live with myself. My baby is gone. My baby is gone. My baby is gone.

At that moment time stood still. I waited for what seemed like hours. I waited, hoped, and prayed. Then his head popped out of the water. Thank God. He was screaming and crying, when Daddy got to him, but he was alright. In fact he did not have a single cut, scratch, bump or bruise anywhere on his body. Unbelievable. A small fishing boat picked Brian and Anthony up and brought them both back safely onto the pontoon. Anthony seemed to be in shock and held his arms out toward me for me to hold him. I grabbed him in my arms, and squeezed the living heck out of his soaking wet, shivering little body. I squeezed him and rocked him, and told him how very sorry I was over and over again.

Throughout all of this, Anthony really did not say much. I think he was busy taking it all in, and realizing how scary of an experience it was to literally flip off the front of the boat, underneath it, only to resurface looking at the back of the boat, hundreds of feet from your Mom and Dad.

When we got back to the Sea Ray, I brought him down to the bedroom, got him out of the wet clothes, and layed on the bed with him while we watched Dora together. (His request.) As we layed there, I ran my fingers through his hair and rubbed his back. I thought about how very lucky we were to still have him. How very lucky we were that he did not get hit by the motor, get caught underneath the boat or drown. There were so many ways in which this could have been a tragedy of mass proportions.

As I tucked him in to watch Dora by himself for a while, I asked: "Anthony, I am so very sorry that happened, Mommy and Daddy will never ever let that happen again."

To which he replied: "It's O.K. I am alright Momma, I just don't want to go in the wadda ever again."

I smiled, gave him kisses and walked onto the top of the boat where I realized I was shaking violently. I sat down on the closest chair I could find and cried. I cried tears of sorrow, tears of relief, tears of joy. I just cried.

Last night I lay in bed for what seemed like hours, replaying the incident over and over again in my head. Thinking of what I could have done so that it would not have happened, thinking of how very tragic it could have turned out to be. Thinking of how I had failed to protect him being I am his Mom. These thoughts consumed me so that I was unable to find sleep, and I suspect that will be the case for quite a while. And this I can handle - it is the thought of ever losing my little boy that I can't.

So today I give thanks. I give thanks that my Anthony Thomas is here, alive and well.

ON GIRLFRIENDS

Growing up, I slowly came to realize that girls could be really mean spirited. Mean in the sense that they enjoyed preying on one anothers insecurities, they enjoyed ganging up on a different girl each month for ridiculous, petty reasons. (which happened to me once or twice and completely crushed my spirit at the time), they enjoyed talking behind one anothers back. They just enjoyed being cruel. For all of these reasons, I have never been one to have a large group of girlfriends. At least not since grade school, as I think all this cruel behavior put a bad taste in my mouth for them - friendships with girls that is.

Don't get me wrong, I have always had my core group of great, great, girlfriends - Maggie, Bridget and Molly. You know, the type of friends that you have known for years and years. The ones that you can manage to not see for 2 years, then get together for dinner only for it to seem that not a day has passed since you had last talked? These types of friendships are priceless, the most special of all types of friendships, and I treasure them.

Beyond these 3 girls, I steered clear of the girl friendships, and stuck with "the guys". They were so easy to be friends with. No catty behavior, no talking behind one anothers back, no worrying if so and so is angry at you. Nothing of the sort. It was friendship in it's purest and simplest form. I happily went about my days with my group of guys, talking on the phone, getting together for BBQ's, going out to the bars. Life was good.

Then I got busy. Busy with College, jobs, and meeting my husband, Mr. Shelton. Then I seemed to loose touch with the guys. Everyone went their seperate ways, getting on with their lives, moving, starting new jobs, and families.

After marrying, Mr. Shelton and I moved to Stillwater, where we purchased our very first home in preparation for growing our family. ( I was newly pregnant.) I spent the next 8 months busy - working, and preparing for our little Ava to come into the world. Of which she did on January 22nd of 2003.

( I do have a point to this story, hang in there!)

A few months after her birth I realized that I was feeling lonely. Lonely and in need of some girlfriends to bounce parenting ideas off of, to vent to, to go grab a drink with, to shop with, to just hang out with. I was unable to fill that lonely void (except over the phone) with my three closest girlfriends as they had all since moved away. So with my sister Anna's coaxing, I decided to join the local Mom's club. I say coaxing as from reading above, you know my hang up's with the whole girlfriends thing. But I was going to go for it, try it out, and hope for the best.

Four years later, I can now say that I have forged some of the very best friendships I have ever had in my lifetime. I have found a group of girls that I am able to tell my deepest darkest secrets to, girls that I can cry with, girls that I find myself laughing until I pee with, girls that I am confident in saying would do anything for me, and I for them. 3 girls that remind me so much of my friendship with Maggie, Bridget, and Molly.

So today I am giving thanks for the girlfriends in my life. I give thanks for my three closest girlfriends that I was so fortunate to have when I was young, and to still have now as an adult.

And I give thanks for the new friendships I have made as an adult with Amy, Mari and Dominique. I feel so very lucky to have found that same kind of friendship with three other women. (Miss Dominique is missing from this picture).

Both my childhood girlfriends, and my girlfriends I have made as an adult are so very important to me. We are not catty or mean toward one another, we don't talk behind eachothers backs or treat eachother with disrespect. We all understand the true meaning of friendship, and know that these acts do not encompass what a friendship should be.

These friendships are rare, truly priceless, and will always be held close to my heart. These girls are my best friends, and without them I would be lost.

Today I Had A Moment

Often times I feel like I get caught up in the chaos of having 4 small children. Running here, running there, getting the laundry done, cleaning house, making sure everyone is bathed, fed, happy, healthy... the list goes on, and on, and on. Some days I just want to scream in frustration - wondering when things will slow down, when things will get easier. But then I hear stories, speak to other women who yearn for children and the chaos that seems to come with them, and are sadly unable to have babies. This is when I realize I too often forget to stop and be thankful for these four little beings that make my life so darn hectic.

I am truly blessed not only to have these 4 kids of mine, but to also have had the joy of (1)getting pregnant, (2) carrying each one in my belly for nine months, and (3) giving birth to them all.

1.) The getting pregnant part was very easy. Very. All four times. In fact, family and friends have the tendency to call me "fertile myrtle".
Side note: Where on earth did this stupid saying come from??? Obviously there must have been a woman named Myrtle who was very fertile, and someone found it quite funny that fertile and myrtle rhymed, and decided to call her that. And from then on women even without the name Myrtle, who found themselves to be quite fertile, where given this name. Interesting, right?
Back on track here... I have also been told things such as "Geeze, you and Brian would get yourselves pregnant by simply holding hands!" Another weird one, but I have heard it. So you get the idea, Brian and I are quite good at (ahem) making babies.

2.) The carrying said babies in my belly for 9 months was great. Actually, I would say beyond great. I LOVED every minute of every pregnancy (minus the three straight months of continuous vomiting I endured being pregnant with Ava.) The anticipation of waiting to see the first signs of a "baby bump", to the ever coveted feeling of those first kicks, to the gynormous belly stage where you can lay in bed and watch your belly jut out in the shape of a mini elbow, or knee due to baby needing to stretch. All of it - AMAZING.

3.) Giving birth to all my four babies was nothing short of miraculous. Don't get me wrong, there was a grand amount of pain that was felt before my ever loved anesthesiologist came in to give me my epidural, but it was all well worth it.
Side note: I really mean he was loved. All four times. I recall when he came in to give me my epidural when I was in the throws of labor with Anthony. I took one look at him and said "I love you." Really, I did. He just smiled and said he hears that a lot.
When I held each of my four babies in my arms there was an indescribable feeling of love that came over me. The man who I love more than anything else in this world, and I created these little beings. They were each a part of him and a part of me - beautiful, amazing,miraculous. Really, there is nothing better in this world.

My mom always told me that I would never understand how much she loved me until I had babies of my own. Boy was she right. I would do anything for my children. Anything.