REALLY?

I was at the Dr's office the other day, getting ready for Olivia's 1 year check up, and filling out the usual paper work. The can-your-twelve-month-old-do-this paper work. You know the questions: Is she able to pick up a cheerio or other small object with her thumb and one other finger? Does she respond when you call her name? Does she pull herself up to a standing position without any assistance? I went through these questions quickly - afterall, I have filled the questionaires out what feels like millions of times, for a miriad of different age ranges having 4 kids.

After finishing this paperwork, I came to the Framington Safety Survey. Oh, the Framington Safety Survey. I have filled this one out at each visit with each child, at each wellness check. And each time I have to laugh at some of the questions. Here are a few of them.

Do you leave your child alone at home?

Yep. Of course! I usually sit her in her pack and play with a sippy cup, a snack, and turn on a cartoon for her viewing pleasure while I leave to go do a little shopping. What is wrong with that?

Are any of your babysitters younger than 13?

Sure! Actually, I leave Olivia home alone with my 6 year old. She is old enough to babysit, right?

Do you keep household products, medicines (including acetaminophen) and sharp objects out of the reach of your child and in locked cabinets?

Ah, no. I usually leave medicines and other dangerous substances on the kids art table in the playroom. They enjoy playing with the bottles, using them as musical instruments by shaking them. I also tend to let Olivia use a pair of kitchen sheers to show her artistic ability, and the rest of the kids tend to use my Wusthof knives when making their PB & J's.

Does your child chew on paint chips or window sills?

Yes, and frequently at that. Olivia, and the rest of the kids for that matter, enjoy finding random paint chips around the house and snacking on them. Window sills? Not so much.

BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER: I need to say for anyone out there who would not get that my answers are purely smart a** in nature, that I actually do NOT leave my children at home alone, I DO NOT have any babysitters under the age of 13, I DO NOT leave medicine in reach of the kids, or any sharp objects either. And they DO NOT eat paint chips or chew on window sills. Are we all clear on that? Good.

On with the story....

I found it hard to contain myself, and almost went and checked the "frequently" box for all of these questions just to show the Dr. how ridiculous I thought they were.

Really? Do we have to ask parents such ludicrous questions? Are there actually parents out there that would do such things and not understand how horribly wrong said things were?

Oh, yes, unfortunately, there are. Sad, so very sad.