A while back I happened to come across this article on Facebook that was spot on in explaining exactly what us Mom's do. I loved it so very much that I printed it and made a very special place for it on the good old fridge door so that I could see it every day.
Why, you ask? So that I am reminded every day that feeling warn down, frustrated, at my wits end, and all that other good stuff is understandable, and that I should not feel guilty, or feel that I am a bad Mom.
If you have not already, take a moment and read this work of art 'cause
it really is nothing short of fabulous.
Tell Me About It by Carolyn Hax
Tucson, Arizona Published: 06.05.2007
● Carolyn:My best friend has a child. Her: Exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What’d you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .OK. I’ve done Internet searches; I’ve talked to parents. I don’t get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please, no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners. . . . I do all those things, too, and I don’t do them every day. I guess what I’m asking is: What is a typical day, and why don’t moms have time for a call or e-mail?I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events), and I manage to get it all done. I’m feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy — not a bad thing at all — but if so, why won’t my friend tell me the truth?Is this a contest (”My life is so much harder than yours”)? What’s the deal? I’ve got friends with and without kids, and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.— Tacoma, Wash.
● Tacoma:Relax and enjoy. You’re funny. Or you’re lying about having friends with kids. Or you’re taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven’t personally been in the same room with them. Internet searches? I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand — while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom friends are either lying or competing with you — is disingenuous indeed. So, since it’s validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form.
When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm’s way; to answering their coos, cries and questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head. It’s needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15. It’s constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier. It’s constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family members and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It’s resisting the constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone’s long-term expense. It’s doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything — language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity, empathy. Everything.
It’s also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy — and then when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, you wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend — a good friend wouldn’t judge you, complain about you to mutual friends or marvel at how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand, or keep your snit to yourself.
I love it. and it will have a place on my fridge for years and years to come so that I am reminded of how much work goes into raising my 4 kids. [whom I cannot for the life of me get to look at the camera for a picture. Ever.] It inspires me to keep on keeping on, and to realize that it is not always easy, and both the kids and I will have our bad days, and that all of this is par for the course.
And most importantly, it reminds me of how VERY lucky I am to not have a friend like Tacoma.
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AN ADDITION TO BE MADE TO TODAY'S POST
I watch a friends little boy every Monday, which is great, as Anthony and Sammy, get along swimmingly, even thought they are a year apart. Sure, a year does not seem like that much of an age gap, but when you are talking about the difference between an almost 2 year old and a just turned 3 year old, the difference is big.
Anyway, they are two little peas in a pod - playing Star Wars guys, Star Wars on the Playstation, lightsabers, coloring in Star Wars color books. You get the idea, lots of Star Wars stuff, which makes Anthony very happy....Now that I think about it, the reason they probably get along so well as Sammy is the only one who will go along with his everything Star Wars theme he has going on every day all day. Anthony tells Sammy what they are going to play/do, and Sammy follows - true bliss for my Anthony Thomas. You see, he has two older sibling who tend to always tell him what to do. Now it is his turn.
So, I was busy on my computer, checking out my facebook friends status updates (guilty as charged) when I heard the water running in the bathroom and the two boys giggling to their hearts content. This went on for a good 5 minutes before I stopped my facebook perusing and went to check it out. [The last I had seen of them they were sitting at the table coloring, what else, but Star Wars coloring pages.] Here is what I found when I entered the bathroom.
Apparently they thought it would be fun to color on their foreheads instead of the paper.
Wonder whose idea that was?
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