GETTING A BIT TOO BIG FOR HER BRITCHES PART 1

I am continually amazed at the things that come out of my darling 6 year old Ava's mouth. Especially over the past 5 months, which would be ever since she started Kindergarten.

To be fair, I had been warned a plenty last summer to "watch out". That once they start Kindergarten, and take a bus to and from school, they tend to have a lot more time away from you, which in turn gives them ample time to pick up things. Things like nasty names to call one another, bits and pieces of issues they have no business knowing about quite yet. If you have a child in school, you know the things.

Here are some of the things she has been so inclined to discuss with me:

Ava: "Hey Mom, what is being gay mean?"

Mom: This was an easy one to answer, as there are two meanings, so I gave her the one easiest to explain. "It means being happy." Nice, right?

Ava: "Hey Mom, I hear it hurts to have babies, does it?

Mom: "Yes, a little bit." Simply put, no big explanation needed at this point in time. I was not about to tell her HOW HORRIBLY painful it really is, she is just too young for that. Plus, she will never quite understand the amount of pain that is brought on by birthing children until she does it herself. I remember asking my mom if it hurt to have babies as well. Her answer was this. "Yes, it does hurt, it sort of feels like when you have a really big poop that is not wanting to come out and you have to push, and push..." I still think that was a ridiculous way of explaining it, but I guess us mom's say whatever comes to mind when faced with such questions, right?

Ava: How do you make babies, and where do they come out of?"

GOOD LORD.

Mom: I had to think about this answer. "Well, Mom's and Dad's make babies when they really love eachother a lot. " Not the best answer, but I am thinking a 6 year old is way too young to hear the whole "birds and bees" talk, so this will just have to do for now. As to where they come out of, I simply said "Mommy's tummy" which is technically correct, they do come out of your tummy, I just left out the part where they travel through your "va-j-j" as well. Again, she is way too young to hear that part.

Ava: Walking out of my bedroom with my bra over her shoulders... "Hey Mom, when am I going to have big boobs like you?" (I so do not have big boobs, but I do have to say, it was nice hearing I do, even though it was out of the mouth of my 6 year old. Hey - I will take compliments wherever I can get them from!) :)

Mom: This was one of those times I had to turn around in laughter and take a moment to gain my composure... "You will grow breasts when you are a teenager, when you go through puberty."

Ava: "What are breasts, and what is puberty?

Yes, she is quite persistent with the questions.

Mom: "Breasts is another name for boobs, a better name to call them. Puberty is when you do a lot of growing - you get taller, your breasts grow, and things like that."

Ava: "When will I do that?"

Mom: "not for lots of year."

And these are just the conversations we have. You should hear the words she has been coming home throwing out at her brothers. She came home from school about a month ago, was angry at her brother and shouted "YOU IDIOT!" Let's just say that did not go over very well. She was sent to her room immediately where she was told to think about what she had said and apologize. Later I told her that was a very mean thing to say to someone and asked her if she knew what that word meant, she said no, that she just heard it on the bus.

Other intersting things she has been caught saying... These are quite standard, I am sure all you other mom's have heard them before - "That's it, I am so not going to be your friend anymore." "I don't like you Mom. You are soooo mean!!" And hear are a few doozies I have never had the pleasure of hearing before. "Ha, ha you have elf ears!!" and "You smell like raw fish!" Really. No jokes. I am wondering where kids come up with such insults. Especially when they have no idea what they are referring to when they say such things.

So do you see what I am dealing with here? I am feeling like she is growing up a bit too fast, learning about way too much, way too soon. I am frightened that this daughter of mine is going to put me into an early grave. (looooong sigh) My only saving grave is that when Olivia gets to be this age, this will all be "old hat" to me, I will have experienced questions and comments such as these from all of my other kids so I will be able to answer them better and just deal with it all better. But for now I am still in a state of amazement that she knows so much!

If these are the topics of conversation, and the kinds of questions I am getting from her at age 6, I can only imagine what is still yet to come.

All I can say is that I am frightened. Truly frightened.